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Archive for May, 2010

Disappointing Sex

Saturday, May 29th, 2010

I’m a big fan of Sex and the City. I loved the groundbreaking, now legendary HBO series and saw the first film twice in a theater (something I don’t make a habit of doing very often). Given the enormous success of Carrie and Company’s first cinematic outing ($415 million worldwide box office on a $65 million budget), a sequel was inevitable. And while the initial teaser clip for Sex and the City 2 left me a little underwhelmed, the more extensive and polished trailer renewed my enthusiasm to see the film, which I did at a matinee on Friday. Alas, my hopes for a little afternoon delight ultimately resulted with me feeling more screwed over than satisfied by the experience.

2 MUCH SEX?

2 MUCH SEX?

SaTC2 is an embarrassment of riches, and not in a complimentary way. Carrie and Big have downsized from their at least $10 million palatial apartment from the first film to a more modest but equally dripping-in-money one, complete with a sofa that the couple had to wait a year and a half for before its delivery. Sure, Miranda’s still “slumming” it in Brooklyn, and “domestic” goddess Charlotte also remains in her fabulous Manhattan home but it’s pretty evident that none of the characters has been touched by economic crisis. I don’t recall the audience getting a glimpse of where Samantha’s living now that she’s moved back from L.A. but you know that wherever it is, it’s fabulous.

Continuing with the money-is-no-object theme, the audience is treated to the sort of gay wedding that would make most homosexuals cringe; well, at least this one. There’s a full male wedding chorus, swans, and the piece de resistance, Liza Minnelli conducting the ceremony AND performing “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)”. Talk about a Nightmare on Fag Street.

The film (and money) eventually shifts from NYC to Abu Dhabi, where Samantha has been invited by a sheik to visit in order to create a PR campaign for the hotel he owns. Naturally, her one condition for doing so is that her three best girl friends must accompany her on this all expenses paid “business” trip; something the sheik agrees to…and eventually regrets, right along with the audience.

Bringing attention (if not solutions) to some serious issues are attempted by the film, but it feels as forced as the jokes. Trying to introduce girl power in the girl powerless Middle East is a big one, but when that message is delivered in the form of the fearless foursome singing an excruciating version of Helen Reddy’s “I Am Woman” at a karaoke bar, it’s one that can’t really be taken seriously; even worse it’s not even entertaining.

One other scene that backfires completely is when Charlotte and Miranda discuss the sometimes seemingly impossible-to-overcome challenges of motherhood. The fact that this conversation takes place at the private bar in their luxurious hotel suite is offensive enough, but the fact that the two women acknowledge the existence and severity of their hardships DESPITE having full-time help is a rich bitch slap in the face to mothers everywhere who have to juggle careers and domestic responsibilities without the assistance of nannies; more so for single mothers who are the sole breadwinners of their family. Is the audience supposed to feel sympathy towards either of these women, especially Charlotte, who wouldn’t last an hour without having her nanny there to save the day, every day?

NOAH MILLS

NOAH MILLS

MAX RYAN

MAX RYAN


Okay enough ranting about the film’s shortcomings. What SaTC2 does have going for it is the following: fabulous fashion (Sarah Jessica Parker reportedly had 62 wardrobe changes, 48 of which made it into the film) and some hot eye candy to distract straight women and gay men away from the film’s many flaws. Most notable new studs are Noah Mills as Anthony Marantino’s brother and best man, Nicky, and silver-haired Max Ryan, who portrays Danish businessman Rikard Spirit; both eventually appear nude in their roles as two of Samantha’s conquests, and provide the only reason to purchase the dvd, so you can fast forward, play, pause, rewind and repeat to your lustful heart’s content.

In the case of a film like Sex and the City 2, sometimes bad sex isn’t better than no sex at all.

Cheerio!

S.R.

Sexy Studs of Summer Cinema

Sunday, May 23rd, 2010

Where as the fall film season’s focus is generally geared towards Oscar consideration, the summer season is all about blockbusters and the box office. And in most instances, wherever there’s a potential blockbuster, you’re likely to find a hot actor starring in it.

Last year’s menu of eye candy was pretty yummy: Hugh Jackman (Wolverine), Chris Pine (Star Trek), Ryan Reynolds (The Proposal), Bradley Cooper (The Hangover), Sam Worthington (Terminator Salvation), Christian Bale and Johnny Depp (Public Enemies). 2010 looks to be an equally satisfying buffet of cinematic beef. Here’s a sneak peak of what you can expect to be coming soon to a theater near you, not to mention your own sexual fantasies:

Sex and the City 2 - Judging from the trailers alone, you can count on SATC2 to provide plenty of hot guys, mostly extras, for gays to salivate over. (Release date: May 27)

Prince of Persia: The Sands of TimeJake Gyllenhaal flexes muscles other than his acting ones. I can’t wait. (Release date: May 28)

JAKE GYLLENHAAL

JAKE GYLLENHAAL

Ondine – This Neil Jordan directed film stars Colin Farrell, who always gets my juices flowing. This should be no exception to that rule, I’m hoping. (Release date: June 4)

COLIN FARRELL

COLIN FARRELL

The A-Team – With a very buff Bradley Cooper, who, if what I can recall from the trailer is accurate, should be shirtless at some point in the film. Patrick Wilson is also featured, and someone I’ve been crushin’ on for a few years now since seeing him in Little Children. (Release date: June 11)

BRADLEY COOPER

BRADLEY COOPER

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse – While neither Robert Pattinson nor Taylor Lautner exactly do it for me, blond beauty Kellan Lutz, most recently seen (albeit briefly) in the unnecessary remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street, is another a story altogether. (Release date: June 30)

KELLAN LUTZ

KELLAN LUTZ

Inception - Christopher Nolan’s first flick since directing The Dark Knight flick stars the still boyishly handsome Leonardo DiCaprio and equally appealing Joseph Gordon-Levitt. (Release date: July 16)

The Other Guys – While chances are slim that Mark Wahlberg will have as much shirtless screen time in this film as he did in Date Night, even fully clothed he’s still pretty damn studly. (Release date: August 6)

MARK WAHLBERG

MARK WAHLBERG

Eat Pray Love – Julia Roberts may be the star, but my eyes will be on male co-stars Javier Bardem, Billy Cruddup and James Franco. (Release date: August 13)

The Expendables – Two words: Jason Statham. Yum. Okay, that was three. (Release date: August 13)

JASON STATHAM

JASON STATHAM

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World – Although not the title character (that’s Michael Cera), Chris Evans is one of the film’s stars, and probably the sexiest of the cast members. He’s also set to star as Captain America in 2011 and will no doubt rock his red, white and blue superhero uniform in that blockbuster in the making. (Release date: August 13)

CHRIS EVANS

CHRIS EVANS

The weather aside, this summer looks to be a hot one.

Cheerio!

S.R.

“A” is for Alpha, “B” is for Bulldog…

Wednesday, May 12th, 2010

Spring is in the air and I wish my legs were, too. Yes, for better or worse (is “worse” even a possibility?), I’ve got sex on my brain; the warmer weather has left me feeling like an insatiable bitch in heat. And while I’m sure there are various factors responsible for my horny state of body and mind, I’m equally certain that two reasons are the following sites: Alpha Male Fuckers, and Bulldog Pit.

Both sites are exploding with muscular, masculine men, and each is home to its fair share of sensational studs and sizzling sex. If you have a weakness for gents who do NOT look like they just graduated from high school last week, then you’ll be as addicted (but in a good way) to these sites as I am.

Alpha Male Fuckers offers a nice balance of familiar faces (such as my current stud-crush Kurt Rogers, Dillon Buck, Jean Franco and Ross Hurston, to name but a few of the 130+ models) as well as some less recognizable but equally welcome ones; dudes like Danny Star and hung heroes Tony Massala and Buck Monroe. And then there’s sexy Logan McCree, his beautifully toned body a gorgeous canvas almost entirely adorned with exquisitely applied tattoos. This guy’s cock is even tattooed and whether he’s pleasuring himself or engaged in some fuck-and-suck action with someone else, it’s a total turn-on. The more I watch of Logan McCree’s work, the more I like him. It would be great to see him get it on with Kurt Rogers, who is so delicious in every video he appears.

KURT ROGERS

KURT ROGERS

Speaking of the mesmerizing Kurt Rogers, one of his best videos can be found on Alpha Males Fuckers’ sibling site, Bulldog Pit. In a somewhat traditional storyline, Kurt (or Curt, according to Bulldog Pit) portrays perhaps the sexiest plumber alive in “Horny Plumber Fucking a Twink”, his clip with lucky, lucky, lucky Nathan Cox. That steamy footage alone is reason to sign up for a membership, as are the number of quality threesome videos you’ll find in the Pit. And for super-size queens, checking out Russian model Mukhtar is a must-see. While his length is impressive enough, it’s the girth of his cock that will have your jaw dropping in awe (and possibly fear). Honestly, it’s THAT big. To quote Madonna’s Breathless Mahoney from Dick Tracy: “My bottom hurts just thinking about it.”

LOGAN McCREE

LOGAN McCREE

Whether the relationship they have with my hungry and heightened libido is cause or effect, reviewing Alpha Male Fuckers and Bulldog Pit was definitely worth my time. And just as soon as I stop working long enough to stock up on lube and condoms, someone is going to benefit from my research of these sites.

Cheerio!

S.R.

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